Articles on Family of Origin

These articles refer to the process of clarifying and investigating the sometimes complex dynamics that played out in the family in which we grew up. We can explore our remembered experiences of parents and silings, and also sometimes other members of the extended family (for example, grandparents). By bringing some of these experiences into a clearer awareness we gain relief from symptoms.

Depression, Addictions and Guilt/Shame Cycles

Depression, Addictions and Guilt – Shame Cycles

Here’s a model that can help in understanding depression, addictions and self-esteem issues. The model’s both old and new, deriving from ancient reflective practices, as well as from Jung and beyond, up to contemporary psychotherapy. Although the model may not be the one answer to (for example) substance addiction (which is, potentially, a complex response […] Read More

Reflections on the Couple Bubble

Creating a safe relationship that can grow and flourish.  Understand unconscious and conscious agreements and other tips.

The term couple bubble is gaining currency in couples work. Stan Tatkin, in his book Wired for Love (which we recommend to couples) defines it as: …the mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements. The couple bubble is built on a set of implicit […] Read More

Being Right and Being Wrong

The difference between being right and being happy and healthy.  See how attack and defence keep the problems stuck.

Don’t come to see us as a couple if you want us to take sides and decide who's right and who's wrong! We never see couples issues as one person's fault. They're a dynamic between two people, and if the dynamic continues to reoccur then both people need to see their part in it. As […] Read More

Escaping the Narcissistic Bubble

Fear can be an instinctual defence but one that stands in the way of a happy future.   Forgiveness could be the answer.

We spoke in a recent article about Narcissistic Wounding in the couple relationship, and how learning to withstand this wounding can be a powerful way of transforming a relationship. The artist Louise Bourgeois had a deep understanding of narcissism, as evidenced by the rich art works she made over many years. In these works she […] Read More

Are We Sleeping with our Expectations?

Why might couples come together in the first place?  What are they trying to achieve? Can we get what we want?

Are we sleeping with our expectations of our partner? Is there a day-to-day story (delicately held, away from the light) of the deal we have done to make ourselves feel safe, to complete an old story? In other words, are we willing to investigate; perhaps even to bring our unconscious expectations into the light in […] Read More