Finally Seeing Through! We recently received a call from a man, from a troubled couple we’d previously worked with, to say that they were off on an exotic trip to get married! The relationship had been characterised by stormy outbursts on the part of the woman, and subsequent anger and retreat on the part of [...]

We’ve Come a Long Way We’ve come a long way in our approach to resolving differences between partners in couple relationships. For example, it was not until the 16th century that judicial marital duels began to die out, within Germanic culture. Here is one set of instructions for such a brutal duel: The man should [...]

Couple Bubble The term couple bubble is gaining currency in couples work. Stan Tatkin, in his book Wired for Love (which we recommend to couples) defines it as: …the mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements. The couple bubble is built on a set [...]

In our last post we talked about Going the other way. So here’s an example of how you might do this. The Three Sentences Three simple sentences can change the way we discuss our upsets. They can become a profound exercise if taken seriously and done with gentleness. The point is to speak openly and [...]

The Dynamics in Couple Relationships We wrote in Being Right and Being Wrong about the dynamics that occur between the partners in a couple relationship, and about going beyond right and wrong. We want to go into more depth on this topic. Let’s start with A Course in Miracles, which says: Reason will tell you [...]

Couple Dynamics Don’t come to see us as a couple if you want us to take sides and decide who’s right and who’s wrong! We never see couples issues as one person’s fault. They’re a dynamic between two people, and if the dynamic continues to reoccur then both people need to see their part in [...]

The Couple as the “Third” Some couples we see coming to therapy have been under siege. If we use the metaphor of the couple relationship as the “third”, an entity with its own life (along with the two individuals), then that third element becomes debilitated if it suffers repeated attacks, as do the individuals themselves. [...]

Giving to Get It’s that time of year again, the festive season. Families get together to celebrate, partners negotiate how to deal with competing needs. Let’s consider how we may consciously or unconsciously give to get – instead of just giving from our hearts with no need for anything in return. Relationships are often built [...]

Narcissistic Wounding We spoke in a recent article about Narcissistic Wounding in the couple relationship, and how learning to withstand this wounding can be a powerful way of transforming a relationship. The artist Louise Bourgeois had a deep understanding of narcissism, as evidenced by the rich art works she made over many years. In these [...]