The Challenge In this post, the second in the Despatches from the Retreat series, we want to look at relationships, particularly intimate relationships, and the potential dynamics between the partners. With the difficulties of COVID-19, these dynamics can be an extra challenge, because many of us are forced to be in closer contact with our [...]
Articles on Family of Origin
These articles refer to the process of clarifying and investigating the sometimes complex dynamics that played out in the family in which we grew up. We can explore our remembered experiences of parents and silings, and also sometimes other members of the extended family (for example, grandparents). By bringing some of these experiences into a clearer awareness we gain relief from symptoms.
A Model Both Old and New Here’s a model that can help in understanding depression, addictions and self-esteem issues. The model’s both old and new, deriving from ancient reflective practices, as well as from Jung and beyond, up to contemporary psychotherapy. Although the model may not be the one answer to (for example) substance addiction [...]
Couple Bubble The term couple bubble is gaining currency in couples work. Stan Tatkin, in his book Wired for Love (which we recommend to couples) defines it as: …the mutually constructed membrane, cocoon, or womb that holds a couple together and protects each partner from outside elements. The couple bubble is built on a set [...]
Couple Dynamics Don’t come to see us as a couple if you want us to take sides and decide who’s right and who’s wrong! We never see couples issues as one person’s fault. They’re a dynamic between two people, and if the dynamic continues to reoccur then both people need to see their part in [...]
Narcissistic Wounding We spoke in a recent article about Narcissistic Wounding in the couple relationship, and how learning to withstand this wounding can be a powerful way of transforming a relationship. The artist Louise Bourgeois had a deep understanding of narcissism, as evidenced by the rich art works she made over many years. In these [...]
Sleeping with our Expectations Are we sleeping with our expectations of our partner? Have we made up a day-to-day story of what we need from our partner? Have we made any hidden deals with them, to make ourselves feel safe, to complete or fix an old story? (We’re using “sleeping” here as a metaphor for a [...]
The Barbs and Wounds of Intimate Relationships Often couples come into therapy recounting an argument they’ve had. Each partner valiantly tries to get us to agree that their own position is correct. Well, it won’t work. We’re not there to be adjudicators. Actually, we’re not even there to resolve conflict (which may sound strange, but [...]
Gary Shead’s Etching Revelation We recently moved Revelation (image above) to our therapy rooms and it was interesting to do so – we began to notice it more than we’d done in quite a while (having lived with it at home for at least 10 years). Shead’s work presents powerful icons of Australia and the [...]
How to Build Trust? We often see this: the couple want to work on “building trust”. The issue shows up in many different ways. One person may allude to not trusting the other with money, or one person might say “If I am vulnerable it will be used against me later”. And these things may [...]
Paul Simon and Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRueQu6hQuo The problem is all inside your head, she said to me The answer is easy if you take it logically I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free There must be fifty ways to leave your lover 50 Ways to Leave Your [...]